I'm getting caught up with posting the archives of my writing for subter.com.  There will be several here in the near future, and the zine is up and running again after a short (much needed for everyone) hiatus.  Starting with this article, my column was called Secrets of the Broken Angel.  Now it has no title, I just write.  Enjoy!

Just the other day I opened a fortune cookie to find the following message ~

 

You will make many changes before settling satisfactorily

 

I thought it quite fitting, considering my plan to write about change for the first issue of the newly reincarnated Subter.  Before we go too deep into it though, let’s dissect that fortune, shall we?

 

“You will make many changes”

 

Who writes these things anyway?  Of course I will make many changes – life is nothing but change!  It seems rather like a no-brainer on the surface.  Yet upon further consideration, I note that no time frame is specified.  Am I to expect several gradual, peaceful changes?  Or a number of extreme, gut wrenching changes that amount to a total life makeover in a shorter time period?  Either way, changes will occur.  Of that I am certain.

 

“before settling satisfactorily.”

 

This implies some type of ending to me, or even a compromise of some sort.  The idea of a soft landing into a nice fluffy life sounds appealing on the one hand, but once there, then what?  Wouldn’t life be dull if nothing ever changed?  I certainly think so.  The beauty of a fortune cookie fortune is that it makes us feel good about something, if you don’t think too hard about it.  Ultimately this fortune predicts a happy ending.  Isn’t that really what we’re all trying to achieve?

 

Change.  What’s the big fuss about, anyhow?

 

Despite the knowledge that changes are inevitable, despite the knowledge that they may be good, the human tendency is still to resist.  I imagine this might hark back to the earliest days of man, when so much was unknown and the only drive was to survive another day.  As long as life remained somewhat the same, survival was ensured.  But a change of any sort – bad storms, earthquakes, sickness, animal attacks, or even attacks by another group of people could mean a sudden end to life.  In short, change was associated with bad situations, and a fear of change developed deep in the core of humanity.

 

Fast forward to 2006.  The extreme changes mentioned above are still very real possibilities in today’s world (though you might have to really go out of your way to be attacked by an animal).  Hurricanes, tsunamis, avian flu, terrorism – just read the headlines and you’ll see people face these uncertainties every day.  Sometimes in just a flash, lives are disrupted and people are forced to change everything about the way they think and what they do.  Survival is the only thing that matters.  Even if we are not directly involved, we are still affected deeply by the suffering other people experience.  “It could have been me or my family,” we think.  Thank goodness it wasn’t – this time.  Next time we might not be so lucky, and there lies that ancient fear in the core of our being.

 

Change and fear go hand in hand.  We fear the disruption change brings, and we fear the unknown future.  You’ve heard the adage, FEAR = F*** Everything and Run?  Recently a friend shared her definition of fear, which I believe is a much better way to view it.  FEAR = False Evidence Appears Real.  How often are our fears based on what we think we know, and how often are those “facts” off base?  If you’re anything like a normal human, I’m guessing you’ve experienced this more than a few times in your life.  Our personal biases and opinions become facts in our minds, and we imagine the worst possible outcomes before we really know what is going on.  Perhaps we should take a step back when we start to feel the fear, and evaluate the situation.  Easier said than done, I know, especially when emotions start to run high.  Try it though, you may find that with practice it gets easier.

 

Change is bad, right?  Not always, and we know this.  Yet we resist and push back and avoid and try to hide.  It’s scary to move forward without knowing where you’ll land.  It’s less painful to stay in the shells of ourselves as we are, than to step into the unknown.  We act as if change is something that only happens to us, rather than something we have control over.  It is true, many changes happen without warning, even small changes.  What we do with those events, however, is completely in our control.  The way we react, the actions we take, or don’t take.  It is totally up to us.  Only you will know the right thing to do, as long as you don’t succumb to your fears and the fears of those around you.  Need I mention that we are so easily swayed by the fears of others?  People love to share their fears with others; nobody wants to be alone with their fear.  Fear is contagious.

 

Consider this – we fight change, yet we all want it.  We want the world to change, we want our families to change, we want our jobs to change, we want ourselves to change.  We want it so badly, in fact, that we do things like make New Year’s resolutions to remind ourselves of the changes we want to enact.  The truth is the only thing we can really change is ourselves.  It might seem rather self-centered to focus on ourselves so much, but if we cannot manage our own lives how can we possibly expect to make a difference in the lives of others and in the world at large?  Maybe the key is to focus on ourselves in a meaningful way, to learn what it takes to be a better person.  It probably doesn’t mean buying a nicer wardrobe, though that could be one piece of your personal puzzle.  What it more likely means is evaluating our thoughts, beliefs, how we interact with other people.  It might mean checking that our actions are in line with our beliefs, and that what we say isn’t just lip service to a nice idea.  When we find something we don’t like in ourselves, our duty is then to change it.

 

But change is hard!  Of course it is, sometimes.  So is staying the way you are, because if you don’t make changes how will you know there isn’t a better way to be?  You won’t.  It takes work to change, no one should think otherwise.  It may be painful to admit things about yourself, but once you do, it will be easier to release those things and move forward.  We all must do it, fighting it will only make it more difficult.  Make your choice – progress or struggle – it’s up to you.

 

Imagine a world where all humanity strives to better itself every day.  I know it can be difficult, when so many things seem out of control and so many people seem filled with hate and despair.  It may seem pointless and futile to fight the tide of badness.  But if you don’t, who will?  If I don’t, will you?  What about that woman you saw on the bus, will she?  Or that family you waited on the other day, will they?  I have an idea – let’s make a pact.  I promise to fight the tide.  I hope that you will join me, and bring your friends and family.  It won’t be an easy job, but it’s more important than anything you could imagine.

 

The whole course of human history may depend on a change of heart in one solitary and even humble individual – for it is in the solitary mind and soul of the individual that the battle between good and evil is waged ultimately won or lost.

 

M. Scott Peck

 

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So ends the first installment of Secrets of the Broken Angel, and so begins a year of change for me.  I’m expecting 2006 to be a year full of changes, and I’ve promised myself to strive for growth.  Rather than approach the year with dread and apprehension, I’m looking forward with excitement.  Well, mostly, as I’m not immune to the intrusion of a little fear now and then.

 

Subter has changed, and so has my column.  Previously I wrote about books and reading in Bibliomancy.  Now I’ll be writing on any topic under the sun, stretching myself to express honestly and without fear.  It feels different already, and I like it.

 

2006 will be a year of creative growth for me as well.  Last year, quite by surprise, I discovered that I really enjoy photography, and beyond that, I seem to have an eye for interesting photos.  I look at the world a little differently now, and see things I never noticed before.  I visit new places with my eyes open, and I look forward to sharing some of the things I see with you as well as my writing.  Who knows, some of my photo expeditions might just open up a new train of dialogue, as I look at the world around me.

 

The title of my column, Secrets of the Broken Angel, is inspired by a special funerary statue at the local cemetery.    There is something about her that speaks to me, and I believe she is full of secrets we’ll never know.  I’m drawn again and again to her expressive beauty, and the kind love in her face.  She reminds me of what is good in the world, and that there is hope after all.